I have about 70 blogs on my Blog list, all of which i read everyday.
I’m still here. I am just struggling to know what to write about, because I don’t like complaining.
But of course this is my forum for it.
Work is killing me at the moment. For the last 12 months i have had to step up to cover the inadequacies of others, to cover gaps caused by resignations or redundancies. Over the last couple of weeks it has become apparent this effort is unlikely to see me compensated by career progression. I am too indispensible in my current position. This will hurt my hip pocket.
I have found myself taking responsibilities for decisions above my pay grade, based on very vaguely implied permission. This means that should they be the wrong decisions I will have no official backing. I will be hung out to dry. The stress of this means that i wake up every morning with a headache that makes my teeth hurt. I lost the whole of last weekend to a headache that wouldn’t ease. It was 3am and i had a headache that made me shake, the radiating pain made my shoulders hurt, a headache centred on my eyes, a headache that made me sick. It was not fun. It was my body reacting to the stress.I woke up at 6am on Monday morning with no more headache just in time to go back to work again.
The funny thing about this stress is i am not doing anything that the world would miss, anything that really keeps the world turning. I am not running a country. I am not fighting a war. I am not trying to stop a serial killer before they strike again. I am not saving lives on an operating table.
I am working hard everyday, so i get paid, so i can afford to eat, so i can go to work the next day.
I have other concerns, other things that are on my mind, but none of these other things seem to be stressing me out. These things are of a personal nature and are far more important to me than work. But these aren’t the things that make me sick. Work does.
Why don’t i quit my job, do the same role at another company? I would be bored at a smaller company. I like being busy. I like the drama. But i hate the stress
next post will be upbeat i promise

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